David Cameron walks into a hospital in Glasgow. A patient walks up to him and says "Fair fa' your honest, sonsie face ...". He's of course taken aback. Then another says "Poor devil! see him owre his trash ..." and Cameron again isn't sure what to make of it. Finally, after a third patient approaches and says "Then, horn for horn, they strech an' strive ..." Cameron whispers to his assistant "Is this the psychiatric ward?" The assistant replies, "No, Mr Cameron. It's the severe Burns unit."Yes, it's Burns' night this week, and I shot my own haggis in Sainsbury's. It's a Simon Howie one, with sheep's lungs, beef liver and beef heart in the principal ingredients. Sounds "aboot reet" to me. They also offered a vegetarian haggis, which would probably be very tasty, but not haggis. If it hasn't got the less expensive cuts of animals in it, it ain't haggis.
Vegetarian haggis is an oxymoron, and talking of morons, here's a couple of my pals hiking with me last May in the West Highlands above Kinloch Hourn. They're backpacking again this May, coast to coast. I'm not walking with them at all this time, but am planning a bike trip to Cape Wrath, maybe catching up with them at Drumnadrochit. "I like it when a plan comes together", as a mutual friend says, rather too often.